They haunt us all.
The problem is, we don’t know each others and the reasons behind them.
Your horrible manager may put you down because they are unhappy at home or feel that they don’t have the experience to be where they are.
That mean person at school could have made you feel bad about your body because they were made to feel bad about their own.
The interesting thing is that we want to mask our insecurities from the world because we think that showing these make us weak. The truth is, it’s the bravest thing in the world to show your humanity and part of what makes you human is what makes you insecure.
If we spoke up more about what was really going on inside then that helps us tackle these insecurities head on and work on them to a point where they are either no longer there, less of an impact on us or dare I say even a strength.
One of my favourite philosophies is the motto behind Kitsungi. This is the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery or bowls with gold. The philosophy behind this is that the break or fracture is part of the bowls history rather than something to be disguised or covered up.
What if we applied this thinking to ourselves. If all of our little quirks, insecurities, worries or emotional breakages became shining golden beacons, how would that affect the way we see ourselves and others?
Is it easier for you to show your insecurities at work or in your personal life? What holds you back from doing so?
Insecurities can leave us vulnerable. That can be scary.
The truth is, we all have them. By owning them and being a bit more open about them we start to gain back our control over them. We hear that others have the same insecurities as we do. We know we are not alone and we know that other people have repaired the same insecurities we have into gold. They become part of our beautiful story rather than something hidden in the dark prepared to take us down at any point.
I am not saying that you need to go to work tomorrow and call everyone you know to let them in on your deepest insecurities, but remembering that they do not make us weak if we share them is so powerful.
Sometimes it can be as simple as saying to someone in your life: you know what, today I am feeling a bit insecure about X and Y and just need a little extra confirmation that I am doing OK.
As a coach specialising in inner confidence, you may think that I have conquered all my insecurities and just bounce around feeling awesome 24/7.
I mean I’m human and that’s my greatest asset! I understand insecurities and how to work on them. I understand how they can hold you back from doing something. I understand how they can manifest.
If I think about how far I have come in the past year and a half alone, I am so proud. The one major turning point was opening up more about how I was really feeling about myself and starting to value and love myself.
I wobble. Awesome.
I have been rejected. Cool.
I have days when I am like “what the f*ck am I doing with my life!?”. Fair enough.
I have weeks when I glow so bright I can take on anything. Damn straight.
I have months when I know I got this. Fantastic.
Every day, good or bad, I have people whom I love and who love me. Who I can talk to and listen to. Comfort and be comforted. Best. Thing. Ever.
We all need a little help now and then to deal with that inner critic and the swathe of insecurities that can pop up. That’s OK. Because I know that the more and more we open up about these, the less of a hold they have.
We cannot always choose what life throws at us or what people say to us, but we can choose how we react, pick ourselves back up, value ourselves and move forward. Yes you can!
You deserve to value yourself and accept your whole self, golden fracture lines and all. You are human and that’s great.