When asked what confectionary I would currently describe myself as, I said a room temperature Cadbury Eclair. You know, those caramel goodnesses with a heart of chocolate. So yummy!
Because, the sticky caramel in my way to the good chocolate is myself. Getting in my own way. I need to get out my own head, out of my own way and become a smooth Galaxy.
How often are we facing issues that are actually of our own making? Seeing blocks that aren’t really there. Perceived threats and projections.
A common phrase I hear, both from clients and myself, is “they must think xxx about me”. That xxx being anything from how you think they think you are performing at work, to what you think people think of your appearance, to what you think people think about your competence and skill level.
The key here is “what you think they think”. We do this all the time to ourselves. Our inner self talk. Our inner critic telling us that everyone else thinks we’re not good enough. This is a negative thinking projection pattern.
We project our deepest insecurities onto other people to feedback to ourselves that they must therefore be true. They are not.
Noticing that you are doing this and being able to step back is the first step. Never underestimate how realising you are doing something can actually help you stop doing it and getting in your own way.
A technique that helps is to do the following:
- What is your negative, untrue thought. For example, people think I am incompetent
- Write the thought down: I am incompetent and can’t do anything right.
- Fill out a For and Against column with reasons that support and reasons that disprove that statement. These are facts. For example, something to disprove that statement would be “people come to me for advice” or “I achieved a first class degree”.
- Look at the columns, I guarantee that the Against column will have more in it than the For column.
- Rework your thought based on your evidence e.g. “I sometimes feel overwhelmed by the work I need to do and get frustrated, but I know the value that I bring”.
Life is an odd mix of ups and downs as that lovely old wheel of fortune keeps on turning. We face enough challenges without creating them ourselves. We are the change in our own life.
Be kinder to yourself. Get out your own way and be your own cheerleader.
If someone actually says something hurtful or negative to you, that’s ok. It hurts but think about the feedback and whether it’s something to take on board or let roll off your back.
You know your value, you are valued, you are enough.
If you need some extra assistance to get your inner fire burning bright and unlock yourself then get in touch! You got this.